tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7330097251307649122024-03-05T13:26:09.114-08:00Things I Learned When I Broke My Foot - The Musings of Lauren AshLaurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-61025271811310741992012-07-02T08:15:00.000-07:002012-07-02T08:16:54.310-07:00"Chopped" Fan Fiction - Chapter 4<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Geoffrey ripped Alex’s blouse open. She sat stunned, amazed, in awe of what he
was doing. Deftly, he slid out of his
jacket and began to unbutton his shirt.
Alex felt tension building in her abdomen. It was unlike anything she had felt
before. She watched him carefully,
drinking in each sensual moment. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Are you okay?” Geoffrey asked with a crooked smirk. Alex tried to form words but a nod was all
she was able to muster. A now shirtless
Geoffrey slowly stood up and pulled open his belt. Alex had to close her mouth and swallow the
pond of drool that had formed inside of it.
This made Geoffrey chuckle.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You look like you’re eyeing a steak.” He teased.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His candor broke through her tension and she responded: “I’m
eyeing a filet mignon, alright. Rare.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh really?” he replied, charmed. “Well maybe you should
take a bite.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A power greater than her surged through Alex’s body. She dove out of her seat, unzipped Geoffrey’s
pants and ripped both them and his black Armani underwear to the floor. She grasped his turgid manhood and with one
instant motion, took him in her mouth. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His eyes rolled back in his head with pleasure. This was so wrong but felt so right. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Little did they know that across the studio, behind a
curtain, Amanda Freitag stood, transfixed by what she was seeing. Geoffrey and Alex didn’t realize that Amanda
had been asked to give an interview in the studio that day. And Amanda couldn’t help but peek in on
something she never expected to see.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She knew it was wrong to watch her colleagues in this very
private moment but she couldn’t look away.
Her eyes widened and her stomach flipped. The passion she was witnessing was unlike
anything she had ever seen before.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Looks like we’ve got some competition.” Startled, Amanda whisked around to see Marc
Murphy smiling at her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Marc!” she whispered “What are you doing here?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You.” He responded.<o:p></o:p></div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-5272216368049386362012-05-21T18:13:00.001-07:002012-05-21T18:13:31.091-07:00"Chopped" Fan Fiction - Chapter 3<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLodVc7R3MF4nBxnr8OInSkf94TbJk-sTQG3zVs1CRv2X-P2iOG60MHbzJWY3hTgw9-EvPPJuT7cxn-7Rp9xWZuVoPPv0nh3d-GYmflyxB8K6c3tZUy7UPCzF_rg5emrF-bcnSk8FXDRQx/s1600/HMSM_May-2012_s4x3_lead.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLodVc7R3MF4nBxnr8OInSkf94TbJk-sTQG3zVs1CRv2X-P2iOG60MHbzJWY3hTgw9-EvPPJuT7cxn-7Rp9xWZuVoPPv0nh3d-GYmflyxB8K6c3tZUy7UPCzF_rg5emrF-bcnSk8FXDRQx/s320/HMSM_May-2012_s4x3_lead.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">CHAPTER 3<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Time stood still. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This single, gentle kiss sparked more passion than most
people experience in an entire night of lovemaking. It was unbelievable but innocent. Mindblowing but kind. Indescribable but soft.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After what felt like a decade of bliss, they pulled apart
from one another, still basking in the moment.
Alex’s eyes were cast down. She
was in shock. Geoffrey’s eyes were fixed
on hers. His gaze unrelenting in its
delight.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Slowly, Alex began to raise her eyes up from where they
were. She paused before allowing them to
look straight into his. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
WHOOOOOSH! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her stomach whooshed with the power of an oceanic wave. Feelings swept through her like a tsunami of
emotion. She had to look away. The emotions were so strong they bordered on
making her feel ill. She feared that if
she continued to look at him, she would
actually get sick.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Geoffrey’s voice broke the silence between them:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’ve been waiting a long time for that.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alex wanted to pinch herself. Was she dreaming? Was this actually happening? When she had arrived to work that morning she
never would have believed that today would be the day for this. That today her most deeply-buried fantasy
would come to life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A tiny voice escaped
from her throat, cracking as the words came out of her mouth:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Me too.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like a firework exploding, Geoffrey lunged forward and grabbed
her face. Without hesitation he passionately
kissed her. This kiss was far less
innocent than the last one had been.
They grabbed each other’s bodies as though they instinctually wanted to
fill their hands with a piece of the other person. They were desperately trying to hold on to each
other; they were desperately to hold on to this moment. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They kissed like they were making up for lost time, lost
opportunities, lost moments. They kissed
like long lost lovers, who had been reunited after years of distance. They kissed like the soulmates that they
were. <br />
<br />
They kissed, and once again, time
stood still. <br />
<o:p></o:p></div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-66825275717220784932012-05-04T08:07:00.002-07:002012-05-04T08:07:57.362-07:00"Chopped" Fan Fiction - Chapter 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsak4kWOwuCU62swIfdqkyBaPVe2Dm8ZzDRDAAW_zpCDHfGJ0r95V4MvxUpYhCM2pVQpaoTPQc008yfa7HNDCCkbAxDqRAC5ros416C1riRO_7LJb-v3HRRsmioyxIRLLAfRytR1JdUPN1/s1600/chopped_fan.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsak4kWOwuCU62swIfdqkyBaPVe2Dm8ZzDRDAAW_zpCDHfGJ0r95V4MvxUpYhCM2pVQpaoTPQc008yfa7HNDCCkbAxDqRAC5ros416C1riRO_7LJb-v3HRRsmioyxIRLLAfRytR1JdUPN1/s1600/chopped_fan.png" /></a></div>
CHAPTER 2<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What are you doing?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alex didn’t even realize the words had passed through her
lips. They left her body in a demure and
breathy exodus. Her eyes glimmered with
a sense of hope akin to that of a fairytale Princess. The kaleidoscope in her mind swirled with the
colourful thoughts of what could be. She
waited, hanging on his every breath, scanning his face for any sign of what he
was feeling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her words fluttered around him like butterflies. Their cool breeze touched his skin and delighted his senses. Unlike Alex, his mind was
still. He had never been as sure about
anything as he was about this moment. He
drank in her image. Every inch of her
quizzical face. Every hair on her
head. Every beat of her heart. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I can’t take it any longer, Alex.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His words sliced through the air deftly. She was crippled by
his directness. Her usual strong and
matter-of-fact demeanor gave way to that of a blushing teenaged girl. It was good she was sitting because her knees
were weak. It took every ounce of her
energy to push out 4 simple words:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What do you mean?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She hadn’t even finished this query before Geoffrey’s lips
found themselves on hers. He placed them
there carefully, deliberately, lovingly.
This delicate, tender moment of affection made time stand still for
Alex. Her entire body was immediately on
fire. It was unlike anything she had
ever experienced before. She had
imagined this moment a million times over, (though she never would have admitted
to doing so, even to herself) but a million fantasies couldn’t begin to live up
to the real thing. She never dreamed
that this moment would have been this magical.
She never anticipated how intoxicating Geoffrey would smell. She never thought that something so wrong,
would have felt so right. <o:p></o:p></div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-17790276945551548802012-05-03T08:26:00.003-07:002012-05-04T07:59:01.337-07:00"Chopped" Fan Fiction - Chapter 1<i>Due to a few requests, I've actually started writing some "Chopped" fan fiction. Yes, I recognize how ridiculous this is but I challenge you not to kind of get into it. </i><br />
<i>Enjoy fellow Food Network fans!</i><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3VSlo5tI50Vwi-ZIZN_kkFKP3Knw09TMoXk1MlWFUqFqkZGIeqN44Owc21IsM8MD0y0vE2TbSBfeYnkmryBgbENd4shWRRRW3O0cqWmQnkyLA8HgF91nGLhWpjNDWbsxwK6pdDNlMGK1f/s1600/chopped1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3VSlo5tI50Vwi-ZIZN_kkFKP3Knw09TMoXk1MlWFUqFqkZGIeqN44Owc21IsM8MD0y0vE2TbSBfeYnkmryBgbENd4shWRRRW3O0cqWmQnkyLA8HgF91nGLhWpjNDWbsxwK6pdDNlMGK1f/s320/chopped1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">CHAPTER ONE<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Cut! That’s a wrap!”
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It had been a tough shoot day. Alex Guarnaschelli, Geoffrey Zakarian and
Aaron Sanchez all let out a shared, audible sigh. It wasn’t abnormal that a shoot would go this
long but it was abnormal to have to deal with an unruly contestant on the
show. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tripp was as arrogant as he was talented. His attitude made the judges cringe, but they
couldn’t deny the flavors he managed to create dish after dish. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I feel like I need to take a shower.” Aaron joked weakly. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tripp’s opponent was an older woman named Jackie who was in
her 40s. She spent her time working as a
chef in a centre for troubled youth. And
while her altruistic nature warmed the judges hearts, her food just wasn’t as
good as Tripp’s.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Well it’s not a popularity contest.” Geoffrey replied flatly
as he removed his tortoise shell glasses and began to clean them using the
corner of his suit jacket.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You need to start wearing ties.” Alex quipped. “If for no other reason than as a cleaning
cloth.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zakarian chuckled.
Alex always seemed to be able to make him laugh at the moments where it
felt most impossible. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Well I’m off. I have
an early morning tomorrow.” Aaron was
out of the studio in what felt like a flash.
He was friends with his fellow judges but just not in the same way that
Geoffrey and Alex were. People would
often refer to them as “work spouses”.
They had the kind of connection some people only dream of having. And
when you find it, it’s usually with the person you choose to spend your life
with. However, when you meet someone
later in life after you’ve already chosen your life partner things can get
sticky. “Work spouses” seemed like the
most appropriate relationship for two soulmates who were both already married
with kids. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But today was different.
The air felt heavy around these best friends. There were a million words dangling in the
ether that longed to be said. But they
weren’t. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Geoffrey and Alex sat in silence in the now-empty studio
both staring straight ahead. Motionless. An eternity seemed to pass within each
heartbeat. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then, without a sound, Geoffrey placed his hand upon
Alex’s. A muted movement that brought
with it a million words all being screamed at the same time. All of the things that had never been said
were now being shouted in the silence.
The electricity that Alex felt from Geoffrey’s gentle touch was unlike
anything she had ever experienced. She
felt it inside. In her core. Like a current pulsing through her; she felt
alive. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her head turned slowly.
Her eyes searching, yearning, begging to be met with his. His gaze complied. And they sat.
In silence. In each other’s
eyes. Really inside of them. For the first time. <o:p></o:p></div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-60245634114512841602012-03-04T09:09:00.005-08:002012-03-04T09:21:18.096-08:0011. "3 Musketeers" has low self esteem<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu7BpgfKokJMG8ujpOyxNyLXLX4zPLGxglamRLrblhvmB17iMSdI8w6RLiw6OUG1YCx7_HFDTcTdR6scvIOFLbKHGY_9_0-dF3HF41qcp-i_NUS_cjjh1mHvo4rhtMzcWeaRiD20M0brMj/s1600/products_img_3m_orig.png" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 217px; height: 94px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu7BpgfKokJMG8ujpOyxNyLXLX4zPLGxglamRLrblhvmB17iMSdI8w6RLiw6OUG1YCx7_HFDTcTdR6scvIOFLbKHGY_9_0-dF3HF41qcp-i_NUS_cjjh1mHvo4rhtMzcWeaRiD20M0brMj/s320/products_img_3m_orig.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5716092682746436978" /></a><br />Look, I don't know if you guys have heard about this or not but 3 Musketeers has changed their recipe. No joke. They are now boasting a "New richer chocolate taste" as printed right on their little wrappers. Upon purchasing one last night, I confirmed that yes, it does taste more "chocolatey" than before. But it also made me a little sad. <div><br /></div><div>Why did you think you needed to change, 3 Musketeers? Did you think it would make people love you more? Because I love you for YOU. Okay? You were perfect the way you were. And if someone is making you feel like you need to change yourself to make them happy, that person isn't someone you need in your life. We've all been there:</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>"Maybe if I was prettier he'd like me." </div><div>"Maybe if I didn't speak up for myself so much he'd want to be with me." </div><div>"Maybe if I tasted more chocolatey he'd never leave." </div><div><br /></div><div>But these are statements that come from that little voice in your head that makes you feel like there's something wrong with you if someone doesn't like you. Did you ever think maybe there was actually something wrong with <i>them</i>? That their issues about commitment stem from themselves and that there's actually <i>nothing</i> you can do to change them? Listen to me when I say: <i>you're not the problem.</i></div><div><br /></div><div>3 Musketeers, just know that there are people out there who love you unconditionally. Don't try to make yourself smaller, richer or anything else just to garner someone's affection. The people who matter think you're great <i>no matter what</i>. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-4918326171122884742012-02-16T10:30:00.000-08:002012-02-16T11:06:35.842-08:0010. I think today is a slow news day...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil6FmQ4iKh6qQKXkOvtCTCaoFaOdIdJBL0FU4mywO_RlXJPSP4ZcF4vc403oXD_q5ERUgDoJpt6VC15m_Hwj9mJrX0zIUD5TXX0fULCB0CyijrHdixKELHSo2fc7PMM4Ic5TnsEZ8GZ1TA/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 120px; height: 120px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil6FmQ4iKh6qQKXkOvtCTCaoFaOdIdJBL0FU4mywO_RlXJPSP4ZcF4vc403oXD_q5ERUgDoJpt6VC15m_Hwj9mJrX0zIUD5TXX0fULCB0CyijrHdixKELHSo2fc7PMM4Ic5TnsEZ8GZ1TA/s320/Unknown.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5709810905499932370" /></a><br />Upon hearing the sad news of Neil Hope's death (he played Wheels on Degrassi), I had a few questions. Apparently Hope passed 5 years ago at the age of 35 due to "natural causes". I don't know about anyone else, but I'd say it's pretty unnatural to die at 35. Isn't that the time that your back just starts to bother you and your nose hair starts growing faster?<div><br /></div><div>It also seems odd to me that this is just being announced now. Is this some kind of publicity stunt and tomorrow we'll actually find out he's alive, well and the brand new host of Canada's Got Talent?</div><div><br /></div><div>Regardless, I thought to myself "it must be a slow news day". So I decided to look up some news sites and see what else is going on in the world today. My results?</div><div><br /></div><div>1. Apparently a female Tasmanian Devil had some kind of weird face cancer back in the day and now Tasmanian Devils are still getting sick and dying from it. I don't know about anyone else but I'm glad that someone is finally speaking out about Tasmanian Devil Face Cancer. February 16th, 2012 is clearly the day to start the dialogue about this serious issue. I will be wearing a turquoise ribbon from now on to raise awareness about Tasmanian Devil Face Cancer. If we take a stand today and speak out, we can put an end to Tasmanian Devil Face Cancer. One Tasmanian Devil face at a time. </div><div>(NOTE: I don't wish Tasmanian Devils or any other animal on the planet ill, I'm just demonstrating that today is the weirdest news day ever.)</div><div><br /></div><div>2. A PetCo pet groomer in Hawaii accidentally cut off a dog's ear and then superglued it back on and returned the pet to his owner. A dog is not a mug, you idiot. </div><div><br /></div><div>Other BIG items in the news today:</div><div><br /></div><div>-It's been discovered that Santorum drove an Audi in 2008. SCANDAL!</div><div>-There is a probe into Whitney Houston's death. Prescription drugs were potentially a factor. SHOCKING!</div><div>-Jeremy Lin FINALLY has an apartment in New York. In Trump Towers. FINALLY!!</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh and there was a fire in a Prison in Honduras </div><div><br /></div><div>Most of the people incarcerated hadn't even been charged with any crimes. 358 are confirmed dead making this the world's deadliest prison fire in over 100 years. </div><div><br /></div><div>But who wants to talk about that? </div><div><br /></div><div>Or the UN accusing Syria of crimes against humanity including using hospitals for torture?</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>No, those aren't pressing news items. In fact, I had to dig to find them. They were buried behind stories of Julia Roberts' new movie and Randy Travis' arrest video being released. But they're really not "important" or "relevant" stories anyway. Right? OH! BREAKING NEWS! Fat Joe lost a lot of weight! Now THAT'S something worth talking about! (Kill me.)</div><div><br /></div><div>LINKS TO NEWS STORIES:</div><div><br /></div><div><div>http://news.yahoo.com/tasmanian-devil-cancer-traced-back-immortal-devil-girl-171406959.html</div></div><div><br /></div><div>http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/8420870/pet-groomer-glued-ear-back-on-dog</div><div><br /></div><div><div>http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/story/2012-02-16/honduras-fire-inmates/53117990/1</div></div><div><br /></div><div>http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-02-16/syria-slammed-by-un-chief-ban-over-torture-centers-before-censure-vote.html</div><div><br /></div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-35916667460588121602012-02-13T17:56:00.000-08:002012-02-14T16:26:21.300-08:009. I have a request...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFmOMn_qqBh2LEiHoeulAmhidsrNobVuo8jT5VZ6YVM8OdBXvtSeUh6VS_G6E2Uvy028IrAaFPZdIGQ9eCPJQ0xZYj_vpEJ_QcruVlHtjMHv8NaBLXm7boyyxCDGbSkBE99-RF2IcTo1tf/s1600/David-Duchovny1.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFmOMn_qqBh2LEiHoeulAmhidsrNobVuo8jT5VZ6YVM8OdBXvtSeUh6VS_G6E2Uvy028IrAaFPZdIGQ9eCPJQ0xZYj_vpEJ_QcruVlHtjMHv8NaBLXm7boyyxCDGbSkBE99-RF2IcTo1tf/s320/David-Duchovny1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5709083353230564978" /></a><br />Last year I lived in LA for 6 months. During that time I had many celeb encounters. Jeremy Piven at my favourite breakfast joint. Quentin Tarantino in his yellow convertible stopped and chatting to someone on the street. Gwen Stefani going into my doctor's office. (The fact that we shared the same "lady-doctor" is pretty crazy. I mean, that doctor's hand...nevermind.)<div><br /></div><div>These are just a few of the exciting, fun run-ins I had on these streets. But now that I'm back in the City of Angels, I am holding out for one specific sighting. The holy grail. One of the few celebs that would actually and literally make my knees weak. The man who I have loved since I was 10 years old...</div><div><br /></div><div>David Duchovny.</div><div><br /></div><div>I started a twitter topic #reasonsdavidduchovnyshoulddatelaurenash which brought me a lot of joy so I started a short-lived blog by the same name:</div><div><br /></div><div>http://davidduchovnyshoulddatelaurenash.wordpress.com/</div><div><br /></div><div>It's fairly definitive proof that we're meant to be together. I really gotta get back on that one. (To be honest, I just found Wordpress's layout a little annoying...is a switch to blogger in my future??? I digress...)</div><div><br /></div><div>So, in conclusion, I send out this call to the Universe:</div><div><br /></div><div>I don't ask for a lot. But this Valentine's Day, Universe, please make this 29 year old woman's almost double-decade-long crush cross my path. I swear I'll probably make a fool of myself in front of him which will end up being a hilarious story anyway.</div><div><br /></div><div>PS I will be in LA 22 more days so if not today...you got 3 weeks to make this happen for me, Dear Universe.</div><div> </div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-53195250580699847932012-02-12T10:31:00.000-08:002012-02-12T10:46:14.087-08:008. I need to make a PSA<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsk6w9yH1fUytcKPXvznPlS2XjpHSi2t2U4l5glOkNKdEjrEx7KI0K40uC3DUq_fRQ-DnF8TT04KCZqIczkyG9fq4s5GmyJAHwkM4e8cOrofYNG4IM-teoTrDaWDvGGJfsLV7zSFbeoMhU/s1600/disability_graphic_5.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsk6w9yH1fUytcKPXvznPlS2XjpHSi2t2U4l5glOkNKdEjrEx7KI0K40uC3DUq_fRQ-DnF8TT04KCZqIczkyG9fq4s5GmyJAHwkM4e8cOrofYNG4IM-teoTrDaWDvGGJfsLV7zSFbeoMhU/s320/disability_graphic_5.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5708321833170023074" /></a><br />So after being in various stages of broken-foot-ness I decided: "eff it! I'm going to go to LA anyway!" I had planned on leaving at the end of January until early March but after January 23rd's hilarious bone-breaking, I postponed those plans. Until yesterday.<div><br /></div><div>My foot has been getting better. And I've graduated from crutches to a cane. I've never felt more like a Nana, but it's nice to have a little bit more mobility. My airport experience started out positively! I got taken to the front of the customs line, was taken into a short line to go through security, things weren't so bad! I hadn't expected any of this treatment at all but welcomed the lesser amount of time struggling with suitcases and a heavy backpack. I was feeling good about things until I got to my gate. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have to have a little bit of a serious moment here in the "Things I Learned When I Broke my Foot" blog. I broke my foot. It's an irritating injury that should last about 2 months at most as long as there aren't any further complications. This is an <i>inconvenience at best. </i>My heart truly goes out to those with disabilities that don't have such a laughably small window of healing-time. People who require assistance in their daily lives until <i>further notice.</i> In the past few weeks I have wanted to scream at the people who have done me wrong and acted rude towards me. And that's only after a few weeks. The fact that there aren't a string of murders committed by people who endure what I have and worse every day of their lives, is remarkable. My hat honestly goes off to you.</div><div><br /></div><div>This is why I have to say the following: there are special, disabled seats at airport gates for a reason. These are there because believe it or not, DISABLED PEOPLE TRAVEL! What a novel idea! So to the able-bodied, non-injured people sitting in those seats, staring at me slack-jawed as I hobble by with my cane...GET UP! And to the people who were completely able-bodied who pushed past me to pre-board the plane with no children or any other discernible reason for doing so other than their own INFLATED SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT, I hope that you end up in a wheelchair for a week at some point. Something that will heal relatively quickly like my injury. Cause then you're gonna have a whole new outlook on what assholes you've been.<br /><div><br /></div><div>Oh and if you park in a handicapped space and you're not handicapped, I think there's a special place in hell for you. Yeah, I said it. Get over it. </div><div><br /></div></div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-22387243400158254282012-02-07T07:26:00.000-08:002012-02-07T09:08:26.733-08:007. I'm really getting into earrings. Also, I'm really getting comfortable being "vapid".<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg03M8sOlKOFFVSRfMF7ETuWKyNMCh5BraPmlbspT0s2knnnr8UP7R9iA4fCC239xh13MHMFn9kbwQJ87tStrMIaudM2EE5nj8FgyVVTigHUnzaMeN9x3JsUazYk3dKoGzjsCia2UDaOyoo/s1600/223081_10150736753110247_503780246_19972198_3536841_n.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 225px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg03M8sOlKOFFVSRfMF7ETuWKyNMCh5BraPmlbspT0s2knnnr8UP7R9iA4fCC239xh13MHMFn9kbwQJ87tStrMIaudM2EE5nj8FgyVVTigHUnzaMeN9x3JsUazYk3dKoGzjsCia2UDaOyoo/s320/223081_10150736753110247_503780246_19972198_3536841_n.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5706431172782045858" /></a><br />Recently, I actually stated out loud: "I'm really getting into earrings". I followed this up by saying "That is literally the most vapid thing I've ever said." <div><br /></div><div>I have a few thoughts about this.</div><div><br /></div><div>1. I've recently discovered that earrings really do make an outfit/makeup job <i>pop</i>. I may spend all this time getting ready and then look in the mirror and think "Oh I feel like I look so plain! Sigh." But if I pop on some giant gold hoops then BAM! I look like a pale latina princess. (Refer to attached photo. Totes pale latina.)</div><div><br /></div><div>2. There are arguably many things going on in the world that I "should" spend my time thinking about. There are "issues" that are worth "getting into". So I tried tuning into the news the other only to get distracted by musing about whether Mitt Romney would look better in studs or something dangly. Kim-Jong Un would definitely rock something bold and glittery. And I think it goes without saying that Harper's approval ratings would skyrocket if he strapped some Swarovskis to those lobes. I mean, that's for suresies.</div><div><br /></div><div>3. My previous 2 points haven't really helped fight that whole "vapid" thing have they? Well to that I say: </div><div><br /></div><div>Syria-oil-juxtaposition-Dickens-Burnamthorpe-genocide-awareness-hemp-TED</div><div><br /></div><div>Who's vapid NOW?? Yeah...me still. For sure still me, actually. Sigh. I'd better go put on my gold hoops. They always make me feel better. </div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-42141227897662414022012-02-06T07:33:00.001-08:002012-02-06T07:55:03.618-08:006. People are not inherently kind...part deux<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrXdteglBDbE0aDedqje9Ib1h_j5Eh4jbviZZk-v_l8mMQpeiL8BsFw2OSTFVb0xdCnLPBLPj6AKn5XhH5a9BIXGYCpEdolA-3mAcfVZYovWdG5kNkSZT7WAQLGj4GV80_UvMgqRgHsiiJ/s1600/images.jpeg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 259px; height: 194px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrXdteglBDbE0aDedqje9Ib1h_j5Eh4jbviZZk-v_l8mMQpeiL8BsFw2OSTFVb0xdCnLPBLPj6AKn5XhH5a9BIXGYCpEdolA-3mAcfVZYovWdG5kNkSZT7WAQLGj4GV80_UvMgqRgHsiiJ/s320/images.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5706048463826617538" /></a><br />I was crutching into my apartment building on my birthday this past Saturday. My lovely boyfriend was following behind me with his arms full of packages and the large bouquet of flowers my cousin and her family sent for me. We approached the elevator where there were a few people who were also waiting for the next ride. The doors opened and one couple got on and stood to the left. An older dude with a dog got on and stood to the right. As I hobbled towards the door, the doors fully closed on me. Hard. Our elevator is merciless and unless someone is holding the "door open" button or physically holds the door open with a hand, it closes on whatever is in the middle...HARD. <div><br /></div><div>As the doors hit me repeatedly, I watched as the 3 people already on the elevator did nothing. They did not move. Literally, not a muscle. Like, it was actually insane to witness. The doors finally let me out of their steely grip and I got on the elevator with Paul following behind me. </div><div><br /></div><div>"Thanks a lot, guys." I quipped sarcastically. Then there was a pause before the dude with the dog responded by saying "It was probably an accident."</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm sorry...what?</div><div><br /></div><div>It was PROBABLY an accident? </div><div><br /></div><div>I feel like I've never heard anything more absurd. </div><div><br /></div><div><i>Probably an accident </i>that you did NOTHING and watched me struggle and get abused by this machine's robot doors? What a dumb thing to say. I feel like this dude must just be a JOY to date. "I didn't do the dishes like you asked...it was probably an accident." "I forgot it was your birthday...it was probably an accident." "Well yes, sweetie, I did sleep with that other woman. But it was <i>probably</i> an accident."</div><div><br /></div><div>I stood there seething, wanting to respond something cutting like "Well you're PROBABLY an idiot." But before I could get any words out the same dude said "Could you push floor 16 please?" So...I did. Silently. But when that guy got out at his floor and said "Have a good night" I said NOTHING. Take THAT! I probably, really showed him.</div><div><br /></div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-4465818017870563472012-01-30T16:14:00.001-08:002012-01-30T16:43:56.144-08:005. I'm not going to let people put down my career choice<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEbXS3UvxBsl1HKX2-HAXzmaoZL1CB-SgPSlS8oExxpb69uUKlg9j5KUjt7l8OvrEz5D9pLQ5pv2vIiWxOK5CAQoLohUzbGXyJqslS5GwvPjbwATYUsF_XDciQCxApgk7OnXtcq5O2LVfK/s1600/LaurenAsh-1.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 256px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEbXS3UvxBsl1HKX2-HAXzmaoZL1CB-SgPSlS8oExxpb69uUKlg9j5KUjt7l8OvrEz5D9pLQ5pv2vIiWxOK5CAQoLohUzbGXyJqslS5GwvPjbwATYUsF_XDciQCxApgk7OnXtcq5O2LVfK/s320/LaurenAsh-1.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703587360073067506" /></a><br />After reading this article:<div><br /><div>http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-awful-things-nobody-tells-you-about-being-actor_p2/ </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I felt compelled to write a response. Here it is:</div><div><br /></div><div>Dear Mr. Bowie,<br /><div><br /></div><div> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:officedocumentsettings> <o:allowpng/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> <w:enableopentypekerning/> <w:dontflipmirrorindents/> <w:overridetablestylehps/> <w:usefelayout/> </w:Compatibility> <m:mathpr> <m:mathfont 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mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">Wow.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>This article sure sounds like it’s written by someone who hasn’t been able to reach his goal to be an actor.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Or, more likely, someone who wants to make himself feel better about never really “trying” to be an actor by making those who choose to follow their dreams feel shitty about their choice.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Let me tell you, friend, you are way off the mark on basically every glib point you have made.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Firstly, did you ever stop to consider that not every person who aspires to be an actor aspires to be a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">famous </i>actor?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In your opening paragraph you talked about how rare it is for someone to be famous.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You’re right.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s extremely rare.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But there are thousands of actors who are able to make a living performing, often in artistically fulfilling ways and don’t feel cheated that they never made the cover of People magazine.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am one of those actors.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Feel free to Google me.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">#5 You aren’t building a real skill set.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Wow.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What an offensive thing to say.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Most actors who have had even an ounce of success have trained and studied and paid their dues performing for free in order to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">hone a skill set </i>that will allow them to be cast in better roles as their careers progress.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Sure, Hollywood likes to make superstars out of some young upstarts who have no experience but for every one of these talentless “actors” there are literally thousands of experienced, talented performers.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Performers who could act circles around half of the actors in Hollywood.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And for the record, I never had a “back up plan” and I built a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">skill set </i>that has allowed me to be gainfully employed solely as an actor for over a decade.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And while I would rather not get into a pissing contest about who is in a better tax bracket, I’d love to know how someone who makes his living as a writer is in a position to comment about another career in the arts in such a judgmental, smug, negative way.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Do you have a day job?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Just curious.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">#4 Most Roles have nothing to do with acting</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Sure, commercial acting isn’t necessarily fulfilling.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But many actors view <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">this </i>as their day job.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The money you will make doing commercial work can supplement when you’re working for less money on an independent film or low budget theatre project (NOTE: there are lots of very well paying theatre projects out there as well).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I must stress once again that I have made the majority of my living for the past 6 years from television work.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Roles that require acting.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>On television shows.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Prior to that, I performed live on stage 6 nights a week for 4 years.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Believe it or not, this job required a high level of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">acting.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></i>I got these jobs because of my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">skill set.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></i>And I want to take a moment right now to say that I am not an anomaly.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I know many other actors who also have made a good living for many, many years solely from performing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Just wanted to address that before you went jumping to conclusions.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">#3 You will never be considered for roles that require acting</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Who are you?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Seriously!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>How do you think you can make this kind of a statement?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">For the record, you actually don’t have to have a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">primary </i>role in a SAG production in order to become a SAG member.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You just need to have any role in one.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So you can book a small role in a SAG production, become a SAG member, that opens you up to getting better auditions and then you can audition for better, bigger roles in bigger, better SAG productions.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>This falls under the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">skill set </i>thing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">pay your dues </i>and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">get more experience as an actor </i>to continue to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">build a career.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></i><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">#2 Your faith will be exploited</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Again, this is absurd.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Your points are just getting laughable.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It really reads like you are trying to convince <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">yourself </i>about why your choice to not pursue an acting career was the right one.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Honestly.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Also, your comment about actors being shitty people is beyond offensive.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I have worked on countless movie and TV sets where the crew and actors all became a big family.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In fact, I’d love to ask any crew people I’ve worked with over the years to comment on this.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Sure, there are asshole actors out there.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Just like there’s asshole teachers, doctors, writers, camera ops, gardners, astronauts, hairdressers, <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>etc etc etc.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">#1 You won’t make enough money to live on. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">If you like, I’d be happy to supply you with copies of my tax returns for the last 10 years. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Sincerely,</p><p class="MsoNormal">Lauren Ash</p> <!--EndFragment--></div></div></div>Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-26819036115656813552012-01-30T10:13:00.000-08:002012-01-30T10:21:40.298-08:004. 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unhidewhenused="false" qformat="true" name="Book Title"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="37" name="Bibliography"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="39" qformat="true" name="TOC Heading"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"></p><p class="MsoNormal">I’ll admit it.<span> </span>I watch “X-Weighted”. Every day. <span> </span>Sometimes 2 episodes a day.<span> </span>And sometimes, I’ll even re-watch an episode I’ve already seen.<span> </span>I know, I know; that seems crazy.<span> </span>But I have realized that I just really like watching people transform their lives and getting to see parts of the journey it takes for them to do so, is really interesting to me.<span> </span>And I like that each episode of this show encapsulates a person’s entire story.<span> </span>I don’t want to be beholden to a show like “The Biggest Loser” and have to tune in week after week to monitor the progress of people I barely care about.<span> </span>Nope.<span> </span>I want a quick-fix when it comes to my weight loss programming. (NOTE: The fact that there is an entire genre of television devoted to weight loss is insane to me. <span> </span>Think about it… "Bulging Brides”, “Heavy”, “Too Fat for 15”, “Ruby”, “Last 10 Pounds Bootcamp”, “I Used to be Fat”,<span> </span>the list goes on and on. <span> </span>But alas, I digress…)<span> </span> </p><p class="MsoNormal">Sure I know that the situations on this show are manipulated for entertainment purposes but at the end of the day you can’t argue when someone has shed 50 or 60 pounds.<span> </span>That’s real.<span> </span>It’s the same reason I’ve always been fascinated with Heidi Montag.<span> </span>As fake as “The Hills” may have been, that girl PERMANENTLY, SURGICALLY altered her body.<span> </span>That is as real as her boobs are fake.<span> </span>There’s something voyeuristically satisfying about seeing something REAL like that caught on film.<span> </span>We’re getting to see private details about people we would never normally meet.<span> </span>I guess this is why I also can’t get enough of “Intervention” (US or Canadian version…)</p><p class="MsoNormal">I met a group of emergency room doctors once and asked one of them what was the most appealing thing about that job for him.<span> </span>His answer?<span> </span>“Getting to hear the things that people don’t tell anyone else.”<span> </span>He then proceeded to share a very detailed list of the things that he had <i>personally</i> seen stuck in people’s rectums.<span> </span>I’m not kidding.<span> You'd be surprised what people think can fit in there. </span>Personally, I think I’m happy to stick with fulfilling <i>my</i> voyeuristic needs by watching Paul Plakas bully overweight Edmontonites into losing weight. It's as personal as I need to get.<span> </span></p><p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-13319346330588855922012-01-30T09:20:00.000-08:002012-01-30T09:25:21.131-08:003. There's this thing called "online shopping"...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOSyslLrLokjrouE4VXqCKAl3OM6NO7xDAkjMR2RnHU_3XoYmgcmReNmee2pW-o3U2Vcz6HD9efVnYu_BTZA5i9bFUmKq4ymeb7Mpv31Jq9juBUydY4XrE651Sv8sWnsR-6jtB7kA_FvX4/s1600/mail.jpeg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOSyslLrLokjrouE4VXqCKAl3OM6NO7xDAkjMR2RnHU_3XoYmgcmReNmee2pW-o3U2Vcz6HD9efVnYu_BTZA5i9bFUmKq4ymeb7Mpv31Jq9juBUydY4XrE651Sv8sWnsR-6jtB7kA_FvX4/s320/mail.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703477257744495602" /></a><br /> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:officedocumentsettings> <o:allowpng/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> 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I can’t even really putter around my apartment.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Hence why I’ve been spending a lot of time on my computer reading, writing and discovering the joys (and dangers) of online shopping.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Of course I knew that this phenomenon existed; I guess I just never really took the time to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">browse </i>online before.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Any time I have ordered things on the internet in the past, it was items that I was seeking out.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Things that were hard to find.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>This week I’ve found lots of things that are easy to find in stores but from the comfort of my chaise lounge.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>(For the record, instead of a couch I have 2 giant chaises that I have pushed together to literally make a “bed couch”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s a dream come true especially when convalescing since you can sit with your feet up next to your partner who can do the same.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Or “partners” if you have more than one cat.)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">My purchases so far?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A tshirt with a skull on it that, when you look closely, is actually a collage of cat faces, a pair of RayBans and a Michael Kors dress.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The tshirt just couldn’t be more “me”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The perfect mix of cute and badass.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was a purchase that had to happen and at a price of only $10, how could I resist? The RayBans are the same style as another pair I own, just in a different colour.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Did I need them?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Arguable.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But the fact that I got them for literally half of what they would cost in the store somehow made the purchase not only seem worthwhile to me but also imperative to my success as a human.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The Michael Kors dress was only $60 and seems like it will look cute on me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’m usually a good judge of what styles look best on my body, though of course there is the risk that I could be way off the mark with this one.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I’ll be honest though, I think that’s part of the rush.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s a gamble.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It’s the same feeling that you get watching a roulette wheel spin or waiting for the pee on a pregnancy test to fill the little viewing window. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">My biggest fear is that the dress is perfect.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Don’t they say that when you gamble you only need to win once to get hooked?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>If this dress looks as killer as I think it will…well...I weep for my bank account.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733009725130764912.post-56581184097107801022012-01-29T17:20:00.001-08:002012-01-29T17:25:12.191-08:002. Dogs. Hate. 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with when I’ve been out in the world this past week.<span> </span>As we know, there is little that truly terrifies dogs more than the idea of a robot-led apocalypse.<span> </span>I think it’s because the pooches know that their adorable faces will have no affect on their new robot masters.<span> </span>Their plaintiff whines and slobbery kisses will do nothing to ingratiate them to the T-1000s, who will rule our streets <i>literally</i> with iron fists.<span> </span>If anything, the machine overlords won’t stand for their high-pitched doggy voices or their rust-creating doggy slobber.<span> When you really think about it, t</span>he dogs potentially have more to fear about robots taking over then humans do.<span> </span>So all things considered, I have to respect the dogs for standing their ground with me.<span> </span>Fight the power you brave little canines…fight it. 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People Aren't Inherently Kind.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFySp6iqrefT30bZIGeQGepf21QCsuG_tjFuznR7UqsaY5WqaR9l_PHSF7fqrT0JATENnEblg7wrjCcea0rwyr7bweWPv9tLcAY4CaVGK32Zs6IEEs8Nq5d2TvUw5rhDc98OwAVwR3rj1Q/s1600/3811351363_af37d71647_m.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 234px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFySp6iqrefT30bZIGeQGepf21QCsuG_tjFuznR7UqsaY5WqaR9l_PHSF7fqrT0JATENnEblg7wrjCcea0rwyr7bweWPv9tLcAY4CaVGK32Zs6IEEs8Nq5d2TvUw5rhDc98OwAVwR3rj1Q/s320/3811351363_af37d71647_m.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5702910662297908898" /></a><br /> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:officedocumentsettings> <o:allowpng/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> 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unhidewhenused="false" qformat="true" name="Book Title"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="37" name="Bibliography"> <w:lsdexception locked="false" priority="39" qformat="true" name="TOC Heading"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">This isn’t some kind of grand revelation.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The world is full of insensitivity and hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>People can be mean and unkind for a multitude of reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But anytime I witness it with my own eyes, I am taken aback.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>There’s something unnerving about watching people treat other people poorly.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Even on a small scale.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The stories of pregnant women riding transit alone paint a pretty grim picture of humanity.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>One anecdote I read on Facebook this week involved a dude telling a pregnant woman “Why should I give you my seat?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I didn’t get you pregnant.”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Ugh.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Gross.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">This brings me to my recent experience on crutches.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>After being told it could be months before my foot is back to normal, I realized that even though it is annoying and difficult to get around, I have to at least get to every voiceover audition I can.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Lady’s gotta eat!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I got to an audition the other day, hobbled into the room, and schlepped back down to street level.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>At this point, I was a sweaty mess.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I had only been on crutches for a couple of days and my arms were getting a wicked workout.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I stood on the sidewalk and made eye contact with a cabbie parked across the street.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He turned on his engine and began to pull into a U turn to come get me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>At this moment, a dude in his thirties stopped him, said something to him through his window, looked at me, then hopped in the cab and they drove off.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>“Did that really just happen?”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I thought.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>That totally able-bodied man just saw me waiting for that cab and he took it anyway?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>“He couldn’t have seen me.” I reasoned with myself.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">had </i>seen me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He saw the whole thing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He saw me hailing the cab, the cabbie turning on the engine, the cabbie pulling into the beginning of a U turn; for God’s sake the dude LOOKED ME IN THE EYE before getting into the cab.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I want to ask that guy, what if I was your sister?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Or your mother?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Or girlfriend?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Would you want a woman in your life treated that way?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Especially in a time of need?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I guess you could argue that maybe he was in a real rush for an important reason but I just don’t buy that.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He wasn’t running, he wasn’t panicked, he didn’t appear to be frazzled.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He just calmly walked up, and calmly stole my cab.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I tweeted about this saying that “I hope karma is just” with this guy.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What I actually wanted to say was “I hope this guy's balls fall off in some sort of painful gangrene-leprosy incident”.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But that’s not really very “WWJD” of me, is it? (Though I think even Jesus would wish ill on this d-bag.)<o:p></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Laurenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04322572468884939647noreply@blogger.com1